thank you.

Thank you so much for all of your participation in this past weeks conversation on Simplicity Parenting. I learned so much from all of the co-hosts, comments and emails I have received. One of the things that is so interesting is our united desire to simplify. Is that the trend? or did we all just seek each other out because of our common ideals? Either way I am encouraged and inspired by you all. Thank you.

And what is our real job as parents, if not first to nurture the beings entrusted to our care, to have faith in their inchoate processes of growing and becoming, and then to show up, again and again, for as long as we are able, to bear grateful witness to their unfolding destinies?
Katrina Kenison

chapter six - "Filtering out the adult world"

Today is our last chapter, Filtering out the Adult World and Jora from Domestic Reflections is my co-host. Jora actually suggested this book when I posted about Choice a few months ago. So thank you Jora... your recomendation has been life changing for Ross, Henry, Conrad and myself. I am very grateful. Enjoy her beautiful post... there is a lot of greatness here...

All of the topics we have discussed here from Simplicity Parenting have been so helpful and enlightening. For me though, and for my particular family's needs, the chapter on "Filtering Out the Adult World" felt particularly eye-opening. As I read the chapter, I was struck by how easy it would be to have the best intentions with one's children and still be doing something that wasn't helping, or maybe even them. It is probably safe to say none of us here would intentionally show our small children violent movies or discuss scary things with them. In that sense we are all doing a great job of "filtering." (High fives all around!) But I know I can slip into that world of "helicopter parenting" that Payne talks about. I can talk too much to my kids...pulling them out of their play worlds -- those worlds where they do all their work of being kids and leaning about life and growing into the people they are to become. I can monitor them too much and warn about dangers too much or offer too complicated of explanations to their questions.

As Payne says, this type of parenting may "stem from an overbearing love," but it doesn't "fully respect (or sometimes acknowledge) a child's independence. Yet out of love we can also choose to back off from over involvement...We can learn to allow our children their own tasks, decisions, conflicts, relationships, and emotional lives. We can provide the kind of stability and security that they will internalize, as base camp that doesn't move."

My son's teacher from a couple of years ago first told me about Kim John Payne....she continues to be a huge resource for our parenting. She was the one that first taught me (in Payne style) to just say less. This is so hard for someone like me, and it also went against what I thought a mom was supposed to do: explain the world to my kids and teach them everything I know. My son's teacher taught me the magic of this answer when a child starts with the "why why whys": simply try "Hmmmm...I wonder." Now, you might be thinking what I first thought when I heard her say this (yeah, right, that will never work with MY kid), but it is amazing! You should really try it. Kids (at least when they are 3, 4, or 5-ish) usually just want to practice engaging in conversation. They really don't want or need a big explanation. That's the reason the "why" is followed by an answer, which is followed by another "why," which starts the whole cycle over. Overly-intellectualized answers pulls them out of that dreamy child state...which is the state where they grow into the people they are to become.

I also like Payne's suggestion that parents should avoid talking to their kids nine or younger directly about their feelings. Again, this is something that wasn't intuitive to me. I thought asking, "Are you angry at your sister because she hurt your feelings?" and that sort of thing helped. It turns out, younger children mostly have feelings that are unconscious. By pushing them toward an awareness they don't already have, "we transpose our own emotions...and overwhelm them." Instead, giving a child more leeway and privacy with their feelings will allow them to develop their own emotions and awareness of them. According to Payne, when kids are young, they work out their feelings by doing. I had my daughter Juliet very much in mind when I read that. She is prone to tantrums, and she will sometimes, when we leave her alone, grab paints and paper and go hide somewhere and paint (while crying and screaming of course!)....but a little while later, those emotions seem to have moved onto the paper and out of her.

Another point I really appreciated in this chapter is the importance of protecting children from the heavy and scary and bad in the world while they are young. My own parents did not do this very well (although their intentions were good), so I can say first hand that hearing about global warming and child molesters and this sort of thing is scary for a child and doesn't help in the way parents might think they are. A child needs to know the world is a friendly place first and foremost and grow within that secure environment. They can learn about the uglier truths when they are in a more evolved, stable place...and because they have had a chance to develop without all that heaviness, they will be better able to cope and hopefully address the problems in our world. As Payne says, "Too much information does not 'prepare' a child for a complicated world; it paralyzes them."

Finally, I just loved the last couple of paragraphs of the chapter (and book). Payne recommends this simple exercise: Before falling asleep, instead of reviewing what you or the kids did wrong and what needs improvement, remember the ordinary moments of the day.....review the moments that mean something to you and that remind you of who your children are. He calls the exercise a "spiritual corrective lens." I'm totally trying that tonight.

YES!! Don't you love it when parenting advise is actually the easier route? This chapter was that for me. Henry asks me a lot of questions {like most children}. Some days we even have "question breaks" and during those breaks I usually reflect on the answers that I give and think, "what was I thinking!!!, I hope he doesn't remember that." I don't think well on my feet and most the time an hour later I think of a better answer. Saying "Hmmmm I wonder" gives Henry time to dream and me time to think of a good answer if it seems appropriate to revisit his question.

I also really identified with the part about feelings. When talking about tantrums my pediatrician has told me too just leave the room or if I can't leave pick up a book and pretend to read... basically just ignore. This has worked for us. It has allowed Henry to get through it on his own and move forward. I imagine that "feelings" are the same. It is almost like having big "feelings" is a more mature tantrum.

Okay one last thought. And I know that this is a hard one... TV/ Screen time. Have any of you tried to completely eliminate TV? I feel like I am a bit hypocritical on this one. We have a 24" TV without cable and my wish is to "kill" the TV but in a bind or in the need of a "break" I turn in on. After reading I realize that the times I turn it on are perfect opportunities for Henry to be "bored" or "pause." I think I just need to be brave. I have a friend who "broke" all of her TV's and she reports that life is actually much easier.

Thank you ALL so much for your contributions to this discussion over the last week. I would not have spent this time if I didn't really think this book was important. I feel like the more people who read it the more acceptable CHILDHOOD will be. In a time where women carry around business cards that say "MOM" I want to take a step back and make sure I am doing the right thing for my family. This book has been amazing. Thank you Kim John Payne and all of you who have contributed to a great discussion.

chapter five - "schedules"

Here we are, day five, Schedules, and my cohost is Erin of Such Small Steps.

Growing up, my sister and I had very few planned activities that we participated in...no sports teams until high school, no gymnastics, no swim team. We did play piano, and occasionally we did ballet or theater or art, but our weekends were spent at home, curled up with books, at the library, at the park where we climbed trees and rollerskated, or in the backyard where we hunted for bugs and lizards or played hide and seek with neighborhood friends. In hindsight, I'm guessing this was a side effect of having divorced parents who both worked full-time- weekends were our only time together as a family to rest and relax. Although I'm sure we often whined "I'm bored," I know that we spent hours making our own entertainment, both at home and at our grandparents' homes where we spent weeks each summer.

Some time around middle school, my dad instituted Sunday as "family day": no plans with friends, no activities, no classes, just church in the morning, brunch or lunch after, and long afternoons and evenings spent at home hanging out, playing board games and talking. I hated it. I truly felt that I was being punished for something, that if I wasn't able to meet up with my girlfriends I would "miss everything." It's only now, as I raise my own little ones, that I understand the wisdom of this forced day of rest.

Consciously or unsconsciously, my husband and I have made the choice not to enroll our kids in many activities. We both work long hours during the week, and what we love most about the weekends is the sweet unpredictability found in a day with no plans. We can decide over a cup of coffee where our day may take us: to the zoo? Maybe on a little road trip? Or just something simple like a bike ride at the park followed by lunch. I am not opposed to nurturning my kids' interests, but I am resistant to losing that all of that time spent together, even if it is sometimes "ordinary or boring," to harried shuttling from place to place to place. Some of my favorite childhood memories stemmed from finding a creative way to deal with long, dull summer days, time spent putting on little plays or listening to my grandparents' old records, or setting up tents in our backyard. If every week of our summers had been filled up with tennis drills and language classes and ballet lessons, I am not sure that would have been the case. As with much of life, it's all about finding balance. As the book says, if we "sow the seeds of balanced childhoods what will develop, over time, are strong and whole, resilient, balanced individuals."

I love this chapter there are so many great nuggets. Erin I love the idea of "family day" I love how Payne gives the sentiment that your kids desire it and we should honor this time. Cherish it. This is so true but not common. Could you imagine if your boss said at 4:45 "you better pack up your family is waiting for you"?

Here are a few things from the book that really stuck with me...

The idea of organized sports. The desire to find a book like this began as I signed my 3 1/2 year old up for soccer. {what was I thinking... I did it... I filled out the paperwork... no one had a gun at my head... yet this is exactly opposite of how I thought I would raise my kids}. Any way I love what Payne says on the subject. He thinks organized sports are great when done at the oppropriate age. He talks about how kids are starting so young now that they get burnt out and are missing the best time to actually participate in them. "...kids are quitting as they approach adolescence, just when the structure and rigors of organized sports and martial arts have so much to offer them in their quest for individuality, independence and maturity." I think one of the biggest struggles about this is the kids who have been playing club sports that dominate all the other kids. This is hard, you don't want to throw your kid on a team and watch him fail. What do you all think about this?

The GIFT of anticipation. I love this concept. "When you back off the treadmill loop of planned activities, you make room for pauses, you make time for anticipation and reflection."

I also love the importance Payne puts on boredom and how this time can allow your child to be totally engrossed in something. "It is something you can make space for and honor, but you can't control it." All we can do as parents is facilitate downtime for this to happen. This kind of goes into Mondays talk but I feel like it is so easy to insert TV into this downtime. There is nothing to do well, sure you can watch one show.

And one more thought, this pretty much sums it up...

"Balance is what we're after in simplifying our family's schedules. And once we cross our kids' names off the "Race of Childhood" sing-up form, time opens right up. Time for rest and creativity to balance activity; time for contemplation and stimulation, moments of calm in busy days, energies conserved and expended; time for free, unscheduled play, for ordinary days, for interests that deepen over time; time for boredom; and time for the joy and infinite passion of anticipation."

Erin thank you so much for co-hosting with me and for all your thoughtful words. ox!

*The sweet photo above are Erin's little boy and girl in their garden.

chapter four - "rhythm"

Day four, Rhythm. Today I feel so lucky to have Haydee of Happenstance share her thoughts. She has nailed it with her personal stories and excerpts from the book. Sit back, absorb and comment away... I hope you are all enjoying this as much as I am.

At first I wasn’t quite sure how I would quantitate “rhythm” with child rearing. But after reading this chapter, not only was I enlightened by the idea and effects of “rhythm,” but I recognized many of Dr. Payne’s points about “rhythm” from my own childhood. When I was younger we often had the same dishes for dinner which always seemed boring, but now I get why. My friends always wanted to come to my house when we were teenagers. I never understood it, but now I know why. You would never find sugar cereals in our pantry. It was kind of a bummer, but now I embrace why. Most of all, I realize that I have adapted these same “rhythms” as a kid, into my own home, with my own kids. I understand now that with consistency and repetition, the vibrations of the rhythms of life have a powerful ability to carry on. Below are some soundbites I noted from each section of the “Rhythm” chapter that I thought you’d be interested in reviewing. Some I have commented on. I would love to hear your thoughts too!

RHYTHM / PREDICTABILITY
“Meaning hides in repetition … what stands out is not the splashy, blow-out trip to Disneyland but the common threads that run throughout and repeat: family dinners, walks, reading together at bedtime, Saturday morning pancakes.”

“A form of predictability can also simply be in the form of politeness.” –– Hooray! The monotony of reminding them to say “please” and “thank you” pays off!

ESTABLISHING RHYTHMS
“After school time is also a great opportunity for free unscheduled time. What a delight it is for a school-age child to set their own agenda; what a blessing, even, to be bored.” –– This will forever make me see “boredom” so differently. It’s so valuable and easy!

RELATIONAL CREDITS
“Simplicity establishes a connection with our children that is ‘bankable.’ By that I mean we have ‘relational credits.’ In difficult times we can count on, and draw from, this connection.”
“Relational credits, the emphasis you’ve put on being there for them, and with them, can make things easier for you both, during their adolescence and other difficult times.” –– I plan to rack up these “relational credits!” Who knows what those dreaded teenage years have in store for us!

FAMILY DINNER / FOODS
“The dinner table is one of a child’s most consistent laboratories for learning social skills (and impulse control); it’s democracy in action.”

“Food is meant to nourish, not entertain or excite.” –– You hear that chocolate-dipped, deep fried Oreo’s!

“How can a carrot compete with Hot Wings and Blue Cheese Doritos? “Big hit flavors” (like Doritos––usually additives, and stimulants) set up an addictive cycle. Such foods are the enemy of rhythm. You can’t flow through speed-crash-and-burn.” –– I have a “big hits flavor” (or lack thereof) story of when Penelope was four. We reluctantly attended a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese and when it came time for lunch the only drink provided was soda. Surprisingly (because I thought I’d have to deal with a “why can’t I?” scenario) Penelope matter of factly asked for milk. It’s true what Dr. Payne says about “what happens at home” naturally evolves. At that time and to this day Penelope has never tasted soda.

“There are 17,000 “new food products” introduced to shoppers in this country every year.” –– This usually means that there is little to no nutritional value in these new foods. Especially if it didn’t exist 50 years ago.

“Is it [food] unnecessarily complex with ingredients you can’t identify or pronounce?” –– This reminded me of Jamie Oliver’s simple suggestion. If you can’t pronounce the ingredients, don’t buy it. I never realized what a great rule of thumb this was until I started realizing how easy the ingredients were to decipher on my Trader Joe’s items.

SLEEP
“Everything your child does and who they will be are affected by their sleep or lack of it. Too little sleep is the first thing I look for.” –– This blew me away. I can honestly say that we have never had sleep issues with either kid. Now five and three, both were trained to sleep in their own bed without a night light at two months thanks to the suggestion of our amazing pediatrician, Dr. Levy. He made a great point about babies being used to darkness and natural outside noises while in the womb. So creating a similar environment for them at home would only make them more comfortable. Every night they go to sleep between 8-8:30 pm without any resistance. In fact, our three y/o has been known to just say he’s going to bed on his own. Again, all a testament to Dr. Levy and his amazing guidance.

BEDTIME STORIES
“Stories are wonderful pressure valves. Children recognize themselves in the characters; they sense their own worth as they feel the heroine’s fears, experience her bravery, compassion, and hope.” –– I had never really thought of any benefits past word recognition and playtime reenactments. This was great to know.

“Most of the answers a young child is looking for can be found through story. This is a good example of the difference between our worlds as children and adults.” –– This, too, is so great to realize.

Thank you so much Haydee!

P.S. Levy really is awesome. I feel like I could write a post just about the things he has taught me about parenting.

*Above is a photo of Haydee's little ones "being bored" too sweet. Especially with their crowns on. Love it.

chapter three - "environment"

Today we are going to be talking about our child's environment with Jennifer of The Humble Buttery. Jen and I actually met at Del Mar Heights Elementary and met again through our blogs many years later. Thank you Jen for co-hosting with me...

"I was given the gift of boredom as a child." Don't you love that line? The gift of boredom. I don't remember having very many toys and books growing up, though we could have. I remember my mom telling me that my brother and I might want more things but we didn't need them. Some of the most fun I had as a kid was spending hours outside playing in the backyard and making quills out of the smaller pieces of bamboo broked off from the front yard and making daisy chains with little yellow flowers with stalks that tasted like lemons if you chewed on them.

I loved that the "Environment" chapter not only explained that limiting choice and the loud single-experience toys was the right thing to do but even explained how to sort through your toys and how much to remove. At first, when I read to go through and take away 1/2 of the lot and then 1/2 again, I was a little worried.

What if my son begs for a particular toy that he used to love playing with or what if he becomes bored?

So far, we've done the first round of halves and we haven't missed a thing or gotten bored yet.

I confess that I'm struggling with purging the books, too. I'm having a hard time with that part. Yes, I will try to only have about a dozen out for my 5 year old to choose from. But I'm not ready to remove the rest, they'll be living in our living room library with the rest of our books. I think I remember reading that that was OK. I hope so. I want to provide as much calm and peace for my children as I had.

I took to purging to the kitchen, too. We spend a lot of time there. My kids are 5 and 2. I have put away plastic plates, cups and flatware from IKEA that I had really stocked up on. They might come out for an outdoor party. But for everyday, I have brought out my white ceramic salad plates for them to use (they are also IKEA -- I wouldn't do this with any of my heirloom china) if they want to get themselves a snack. There are clear plastic cups if they want to get themselves water and we serve drinks for meals in glass cups.

Just last week, right after the tabletop swap out, my daughter, who just turned 2, wanted to get raisins for a snack. I watched quietly as she took her time to climb up on a stool, get herself a plate and bring it to the kitchen table. She got out the raisins and poured herself a portion. She took the raisins back to the cabinet, climbed up on her booster chair and ate her raisins. This was all completely unprompted! I was stunned.

Our kids are capable of so much if we just let them.

Jen, I love the way you interpreted your children's environment even to the dishes they use at the dinner table. This is brilliant. I really would have never thought of that. Out of survival I just use plastic kidwares but if I want Henry to eat like a big boy he needs to be given the chance to have a big boy plate. I think this must have been the way our grandparents did things {which always seems to be best :)}.

In this chapter I did a lot of underlining and notes in the margin so I thought I would type out some of my favorites and use them as a jumping off point for discussion.

Regarding toys {and more specifically 'clones' multiples of the same thing... ie. my son and his collection of Lighting McQueens}. "Our best intentions to increase the circle of love surrounding our child can have the opposite effect. By overwhelming a true connection with too many superfluous ones, we can send the message that relationships are disposable." WOW.

"The frustration of having "nothing to do" is usually the start of something wonderful. We rob children of opportunities to test their own creative mettle when we step onto every breach and answer every sigh with another toy or offer of entertainment."

and finally...

"To a child, a mountain of toys is more then something to trip over. It's a topographical map of their emerging worldview. The mountain, casting a large symbolic shadow, means "I can choose this toy, or that, or this one way down here, or that: They are all mine! But there are so many that none of them have value. I must want something else!" WOW. WOW.

I hope this discussion helps with your thoughts on removing the "stuff" I feel like if husbands, mother in laws, uncles read this they would understand that we are not trying to be a wet blanket, all we want is to raise good little humans. And "stuff" does not help.

I please share your thoughts...

*Above is a photo of Jen and her dad at Torrey Pines State beach {a little slice of heaven}.

chapter two - "soul fever"

I hope I haven't lost any of you... there was a pretty good discussion yesterday on "stuff" and although this is a huge part of simplifying {and we will talk more about it tomorrow} it is only one part of the book. Today we are going to talk about Soul Fevers. My cohost today is Torrie with A Place to Share...

“Something is not right; they’re upset, overwhelmed, at odds with the world. And most of all, at odds with their truest selves.” This is what the author refers to as a “soul fever” and it describes my 8-yr. old daughter’s current condition- to a ‘T’. It’s been building up for a while now. And in full disclosure, I have noticed it, made a few small changes here and there, and quieted things down as necessary- until the fever has waned to a manageable level. But with the next wave of school projects, or influx of social commitments (aka- play dates, family gatherings, birthday parties), or any other small or large crisis that arrives when least expected (especially these past few months), her fever returns… in stronger form. In the form of mood swings, short tempers, pushiness, constant discontentment, boredom, sluggishness, and major sass. I hate to admit it, but my little ‘ray of sunshine’ has not been beaming so bright as of late. But then again, neither have I. This past Saturday morning, minutes after her brother left for a 2-day camping trip, she presented us with a “What I want to do today” list. Let’s just say, that I was worn out after merely reading the list. Is it even possible to play on the slip n’ slide, set up and conduct a lemonade stand, prepare snow cones, blow up the playhouse, learn to type, do a craft, watch a movie, play the Wii, have a tea party- all in one day?? I could wax poetic about how she {we} got here, and give countless examples of how we believe wholeheartedly in the concept of “simplicity parenting.” Details (and excuses) aside, we’ve always been huge believers of keeping it simple. We live fairly quiet lives, have our kids involved in as few extra-curricular activities as possible, spend our summers camping, and our weekends puttering in the garden. Disneyland to us is hitting up a new farmer’s market- or better yet- a restaurant supply store. But as the kids have gotten a little older, as their span of influence has increased, as we’ve each added more to our plate- we’ve lost our way a bit. And this is exactly why we are reading this book. It’s time to set the quick fixes aside, turn the computer [video games, cell phones, TV…] off, de-clutter our home (& schedules), and get back on track.

Torrie thank you for being so authentic and honest. I think it is so wonderful to hear other moms be vulnerable. There is soooo much to be vulnerable about in parenthood, no?!

I loved this chapter. Actually out of all the chapters this one really spoke to me. I don't think that there is any child in the world who hasn't had one. Kim John Payne's theory is that children have physical fevers and soul fevers. When a child has a physical fever what do we do? We clear our calendars, we make sure they are comfortable, we cuddle, we read, we are in the moment with our child. This is exactly the same thing with a soul fever. I always know when they are coming on. Maybe after the third birthday party of the weekend and after his second restless night of sleep. I know that there will be pay back time on Monday. Before reading this book I just thought that is how it is. We get through the rough patch and move on. Of course this will happen but what this book really helped me see is that you can anticipate it and you can avoid it. Your child doesn't need to do everything. You don't need to sign up or attend every event that comes your way. I feel like the message is that we must discern what is important and then make a choice.

The hardest part about this is that a child with a soul fever is not always the most pleasant person to be around. This is the Henry that usually gets under my skin and brings the worst out of me. But I feel like if I can identify with what is going on I am much more understanding and ready to care for his "fever."

What did you all get out of this?

Have you noticed when a "fever" is coming on?

What have you seen as a surefire way to get a "soul fever"?

I feel like I get "soul fevers" too, when you just feel out of sorts, when all you want to do is clear your calendar and decompress.

Let's discuss....

*Above is a sweet photo of Torrie and her little girl picking raspberries. Thank you again Torrie. Looking forward to meeting you one day soon!

Chapter one - "why simplify?"

Welcome to my little virtual book club. Thank you so much for playing along. Everyday we will focus on a chapter, please comment away {I will be responding to all comments and would encourage you all to respond to each other as well}. Each day I will have a cohost who will give their thoughts on the chapter and then below I will ask some questions that we can discuss {comment on}. Well here is goes...

Today Melissa with Reverie Daydream is my cohost as we discuss Chapter one, "Why Simplify?"

Before we had our one and only crumb, our lives were very minimalistic. We lived in a home of contemporary design with a color palette of creams, greys and natural wood finishes. Soothing, clean, fresh and simple would be how I would best describe our pre-child existence. Then she came along and added her vibrant love for color, toys, and the general stuff that comes along with these little people. We were always up front with our families and friends in regards to the overload of gifts, and at first, they listened, but then something crazy happened, the influx of ‘junk’ from well-meaning grandparents and such became out of control. Even with pleas of “save your money and buy a plane ticket to come and spend time with her” didn’t work. When they visit, they take her to toy stores and let her choose whatever she wants. The stuff comes home and is played with maybe once and then forgotten. I’ve always been a purger. Every few months, the house gets a good cleanse of things to bring us all back into check and keep our surroundings as clear and peaceful as possible. Now that our crumb is four, she has noticed when certain toys are no longer around and a drama of sorts unfolds. This is not how I want my child to be raised, for our objective is for her to appreciate the few toys and play things that encourage imagination, music, and learning. Over the past few weeks, we have kindly let our families know where we stand {again}, and we are not falling in the trap of buying our crumb something new just because she asks for it. She has gradually stopped asking for things when we go to the store, and she has helped me choose her favorite toys/stuffed animals that she would like to keep. It is all down to a manageable quantity, and I already notice a lengthening of her attention span for play and learning. We do not have a television, so she is not tempted by the latest and greatest must-haves seen on commercials, nor is she over-stimulated by the fast-paced shows and cartoons that jam the channels. For the most part, our lives are very clean and simple. We spend a great deal of time outdoors where we set up her teepee, read books, build forts using leaves, sticks, rocks and petals for the ladybugs, gather flowers along our walks to add to her field journal, and make bi-weekly {or more} trips to the library to rotate titles in our constant book tower along with working in the garden, painting alongside her papa, and cooking with me in the kitchen, these are the things that make her happiest. It’s become evident that excess is truly a cluttering of the mind. No matter the age, one cannot think clearly when our spaces are “maxed out”.

The author, Kim John Payne, M.Ed., says that when he starts working with any family he always asks "How did you dream your family would look?" He says that this is usually not inline with the way you live today and can be a great starting point for where you want to go. So for you all reading "What did you dream your family would look like?"

When thinking of this question, I think about being pregnant with my first baby and a friend said that I would be the type of mother who would carry our child around in a basket. I don't know why this has stuck with me for so many years but it reminds me that I do want things to be simple. I have always been so turned off by all of the "stuff" that babies/ children "need." When there was a day that babies were carried around in baskets and slept in dresser drawers.

One last thought that totally blew me away in this first chapter is the idea that every child is quirky. If children have stress in their life {and not "normal life" stress like a broken bone but real caotic stress} this quirkyness turns into a disorder. WOW. It took me a bit to digest this but I can totally see this with Henry. When life is unpredictable and hectic with no downtime, I have been observing Henry go from quirky to OCD. Henry has always loved to have things in order, he likes things to go a certain way but when he is stressed every little thing can make him crazy. A tag in his PJ's can throw him over the edge, a fallen block tower can cause tears for 15 minutes and the normal hibitual tasks of the day seem to be torture.

How does your quirky child change under stress? And have you seen this behavior change as you have implimented Simplicity Parenting into your life?

Thank you Melissa. I am always so inspired by the way that you parent. I have even teased that in my next life I want to come back as your daughter. Thank you for co-hosting and thank you for the adorable photo of Sophia. Much love & light.

*the beautiful photo above is of Melissa and her little Crumb, Gaia... taken by their McDreamy.

Simplicity Parenting Book Club {preview}

I just wanted to post a little reminder that Monday is the first day of our virtual book club. I decided that each chapter has so much in it that next week I am going to dedicate 6 days to discussing the book. Each day we will focus on a chapter and I have invited 6 lovely ladies to be my co-hosts. Even though we are all reading the same book our interpretations of the book are all going to be different and the way we impliment change in our families is going to be unique. For this reason I am beyond excited to see what my co-hosts come up with and can not wait to hear your comments. If you haven't started reading just work on Chapter one this weekend. If you plan on reading it later, you can always come back and reference the posts for next week.

I can't wait to hear what you all think. ox, Alexis

Monday, 5/7 - "Why Simplify" - Melissa, Reverie-Daydream
Tuesday, 5/8 - "Soul Fever" - Torrie, A Place to Share
Wednesday, 5/9 - "Environment" - Jennifer - The Humble Buttery
Thursday, 5/10 - "Rhythm" - Haydee - Happenstance
Friday, 5/11 - "Schedules" - Erin - Such Small Steps
Monday, 5/14 - "Filtering Out the Adult World" - Jora - Domestic Reflections

Parsley Pesto

Ingredients:
2 bunches of Italian Parsley, de-stemmed leaves only
1/2 cup pine nuts
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese {Ross and I haven't been eating dairy so this ingredient has been eliminated as of late, it is still super yummy and creamy}
3 cloves of garlic minced {I like it really garlicky}
olive oil {when I turn on my food processor I just slowly pour the olive oil in until it gets creamy, you can add less or more, it really is a personal preference}
1/4 cup Orange Muscat Champagne Vinegar from Trader Joe's {this is a new addition to the recipe. I am loving it but I also love it without. Not crucial but especially good over fish}
sea salt to taste
Add all the ingredients to your food processor, except the olive oil and salt. Turn the processor on and slowly add the olive oil. Once the mixture looks mostly chopped/ combined take off the lid and scrap the sides. Turn on and add more olive oil to your desired consistency. Add salt and put that spread on EVERYTHING: fish, tacos, sandwiches, polenta, roasted veggies {ridiculously good}, brown rice....... enjoy.

and the winner is...

h to the eather.

H to the Eather please send me your mailing address and I will get the garland in the mail for you.

Thank you all for playing.

F&F sewing class

June 2nd I will be teaching my second class at Summerland Mercantile, making Market Totes. Check out my first class here & here. I so hope some of you can join me. It is such a special venue and I'm hoping it will be a wonderful class.

house keeping + DIY + giveaway

House Keeping: Thanks to the absolutely, amazingly fabulous Ana of Blog Milk I am 100% up and running on my new blog. All of my links work perfectly now {it only took me a month to get my act together and Ana 30 minutes to set it up}. I even have a button so that you all can get a F&F app on your phone and a new link to Instagram.

So I just jumped on the Instagram bandwagon and WOW! it is much fun. Even if you don't feel like posting photos I highly suggest getting an account. In a lot of ways it is like blogging but just on a smaller, quicker scale. I feel like I take photos of all the little things that I think, "I should post that", but never get around to. I love it. I also highly suggest following my sister V {vblackblack}. Her photos are so much fun. I am living vicariously through her as she travels the world with her super cute {Jude Law body double} boyfriend.

DIY: I had so much fun making these banners for our blogger resource party. All you need is felt, twine, a sewing machine {although hot glue would totally work} and scissors. I cut zillions of circles in all sort of colors and at random sewed them on the string about 5-8 inches apart.

Giveaway: I decorated Henry's room with some of this banner flair but I have about 7 yards left and would love to share it with one of you. Leave a comment by Sunday night and I will announce a winner {at random} on Monday.

Disney + a thought on Simplicity Parenting

Last week was Henry's second trip to Disneyland. It was such a magical day. It really was the Happiest Place on Earth last Tuesday. There is something so amazingly awesome about riding a roller coaster with your kiddo. The look on Henry's face was pure joy mixed with a little terror. I was laughing so hard I couldn't stop and when we got off Thunder Mountain I think Henry was at least an inch taller.

So a thought on Simplicity Parenting. Ross has been listening to the book on his commutes to work so we have been able to talk a lot about our desire to simplify. When Ross's parents so graciously offered to take us to Disneyland we asked them to honor our wishes to keep it simple. This is hard when everywhere you turn there is something any child would want. Every single attraction dumps you out at a new gift store. Ross's parents were totally on board for us to make the "gift" our trip to Disneyland. Henry might of had the best day of his life {I mean really it felt like that}. Of course I am not saying that he would have had less fun if he had gotten a toy but I do feel like something about the experience changes. Last year we had a great time, although there was a huge focus on finding the "perfect" toy. Henry knew that he was going to get a toy so he spent a lot of the day looking at every single option in every single store. Which really isn't the point, right?

Henry got the attention of 2 grandparents, 2 parents, ride after ride, ice cream, cotton candy, a hug from Donald and he left singing the entire way home. I think it was a success. Have you tried anything that the books suggests? What do you think?

resource party {+ name tags}

This weekend Julia and I hosted a resource party. So the idea is that everyone brings a goal that they want to share. At the beginning of the party everyone tells the group what their goal is and then throughout the night you talk to people who you think you may be able to help, give ideas too and basically just encourage. Julia and I put together a list of local bloggers and there was an amazing turn out of 25 girls. I highly recommend doing this. I learned very quickly that you don't need a blog and you don't need to have a business. Your goal could be to help a non-profit or to start to go to Yoga, whatever. The huge take away for me is that there are no goals too big or too small and we are all here to encourage each other {which I know everyone needs}. I had a happy hangover the next morning, everyone's energy was so good. Could you imagine most girls didn't know anyone. I think I only knew half the group and everyone felt comfortable being vulnerable telling the group their dreams.
My house was filled with so much radiant talent... these were our guests...

Alex - Rustic Rooster
Bethany & Tere - MOM
Karen - Karin Grow
Kara - Verse Jewelry
Ashley - Little Presidents {adorable monogrammed goodies for you and baby... website to come}
Brandi - Not Your Average Ordinary
Summer - Modernhaus
Raluca - What Would Gwenyth Do
Bianca - Bink & Boo
Theresa - Inspiration Co Op
Samantha - Vintage is for Lovers
Jennie Corti - The White Barn
Heather Feemster - La Feem & The Post Social
Grace Sorenson - Grace Happens
Amber Haldane - The Girl is Craftee
Brandis Rodriguez - Little Rabbit Print
Haydee Sentianin - Happenstance & The Post Social
Julia Wheeler - San Diego Songbird & The Post Social
Nicole - Coastal Family Living
Nicole - Paper Boat {amazing shoes... coming soon}
Venus - Anthology Collection
Erin - Such Small Steps
Greta - Ott Creative

So for name tags I thought I would do something a little jazzier then just "Hello my name is." So I got mailing labels from Paper Source, cut out fabric, punched out paper from the dictionary and made a "fresh" stamp {our theme was Fresh food and Fresh ideas}. I hot glued them all together and there you go... a fun twist on name tags {which are so nice to wear especially someone like me who gets nervous and forgets good friends names}.

Wait! one more thing I forgot to say... today marks the first day of Jeanne Oliver's, Building a Creatively Made Business e-course. You can hop on and join in at anytime and registration is open until April 23. On top of the course all registered people are entered to win a Beginning Business Kit. This is blog design, web design, postcard design, business card design and one on one consulting with Jeanne. I am super excited! Please email me if you have any questions... I have no doubt that it will be great.

roasted {everything}

My current obsession is roasted everything. I have been roasting brussel sprouts, zucchini, sweat potatoes, butternut squash, cabbage, eggplant, carrots, parsnips, asparagus {you get the picture}. There are two notable things about this excessive roasting; one- how to do it, two - what to put with it.
one. I have been roasting everything the exact same way and each thing that comes out of the oven is so yummy. I practically burn my mouth every time. Here is how I prep each vegetable. Brussel sprouts, zucchini, carrots and parsnips, are all cut down the middle. I even like to leave a little bit of the stem {just because it looks pretty}. Sweat Potatoes, Butternut squash, cabbage {this is shockingly good} and eggplant; for these veggies I cut them like thick steaks or thick pieces of bread {cabbage I cut about 1 inch think, all the others about 1/2 inch}. Then in a little ramekin I add 2 cloves of minced garlic, half a lemon, 2 tbs olive oil and a pinch of sea salt. Then with one of these brushes paint the mixture all over the veggies {top to bottom}. Roast at 400 until the vegetables are cooked through and has a little bit of a dark edge {it depends on the veggie but anywhere between 10-20 minutes}.
two. Once my veggies are roasted I have been putting them with lentils, quinoa, and arugula or lettuce {I especially love the Herb Lettuce Mix at Trader Joe's}. Next add whatever else you like on your salads tomatoes, avocado, English peas, hearts of palm, parsley and then drizzle with a simple balsamic and olive oil {or if you're like me olive oil and Bragg}.

Easter 2012

This Easter was such a blessing for me. It was the first holiday - in my life - that I told my family what I was going to do and invited them to come, rather then driving all over town, being stressed out, making people upset with me and not enjoying the day. I have a very "modern" family, my parents were divorced when I was very young, then my parents were both remarried. Then 25 years later both sets of parents divorced. I adore my step parents so I have 4 separate sets of parents to see on holidays {plus Ross's family}. Luckily my mom and step mom are close, that is a gift. I guess the reason I am telling you all of this is because I wish someone would have told me that the best way to deal with this is to invite everyone and then they can decide {maybe people did suggest it, this was just the first year I really felt brave}. This year we sent an email to our families explaining our plan for the day, hike in the morning, hunt, brunch etc... and told them how much we want them to be a part of it, then it was up to them to figure out when and if they could come. From my perspective I think it was successful, I didn't have the anxiety of making everyone happy {of course I had a little}, being late or not giving everyone enough time {I had a little of that too but much less then normal}. It was a bit of a break through for me.

Simplicity Parenting

This book was suggested by Jora after my post on choice. After reading the title Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kids, I couldn't wait to start reading. After our first week of soccer - pretty sure I heard a guy tell his wife "if {insert child's name} keeps this up I am thinking scholarship". barf. they're three - I feel like Ross and I need to take a pause and make sure that we are on the right track with our kids and our parenting. So I thought I would see who's in for a virtual book club. Not sure the best way to do this but I am thinking that I will post some thoughts/questions in one month Monday, May 7th and we can talk amongst ourselves via 'comments.'
1- get the book
2- read
3- check in 5/7 & let's discuss!
I have no idea if this will work but even if only a couple of us read, I have a feeling that this book has the potential to make a difference in the lives of our precious children.

artichokes

If I had to make a list of all the reason that I love spring one of those reasons would be artichokes. Here is how I like to do them...

Ingredients for cooking the artichokes {this is for one artichoke}:
1 tbs soy sauce
1 tbs olive oil
1/2 tbs oyster sauce
couple shakes of garlic salt

Ingredients for dipping sauce:
horseradish {just a tiny bit or a lot depending on how horsey you like it}
juice from half a lemon
two spoon fulls of mayo
pepper

Get a big pot fill it with water about 1-2" deep. Put a vegetable steamer in your pot and bring to a boil. Cut off the top of the artichoke and trim all the pokey leaves off. Place your artichokes in the steamer and add soy sauce, olive oil, oyster sauce and garlic salt. They usually take about 30-40 minutes to cook. If you are unsure if they are done just pull on one of the leaves with some tongs, if the leave easily falls off they are ready. Mix up your sauce and dive in. yum.

fresh start

500 posts with my old look and today marks my new look at post 501. If you knew me you would know that I have a weird thing with the number 5 and that this must mean I am on the right path {not planned but exactly how it should be}.

Ana from Blog Milk helped me redecorate. I am not really sure how to give her professionalism, creativity and lickety splicketiness justice. But she is wonderful, brilliant and totally awesome. I want to sing it from the roof top. Thank you Ana. You listened to my every request and I am a very happy lady.

one more thing.

We planted our raised beds this weekend. The sweet peas and swiss chard were pulled out to make room for tomatoes, a few kinds of squashes and lots of herbs. Last year was a royal flop which after reading this post I decided was the fault of the soil. After a bag full of chicken poop, veggie food and gypsum I am hopeful.

Here is to starting fresh.

fabric covered eggs

supplies:
* one styrofoam egg
* straight pins
* fabric scraps from a friend