phone vs. your heart

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

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A few nights ago Ross and I went out sans kiddos. Bellied up to the bar across from us was a couple who I noted because of their overly indulgent use of their iPhones. No joke they were on their phones the entire time we had 2 beers and a burger. I overheard the women tell the bartender that they were on their honeymoon. At this point I couldn't help but continue to stare and in a self-reflective-freak-out I decided that the iPhone needs a bit of a "TIME OUT." I am guilty of this. Why do I need to look at my phone 40 times in 20 minutes? Why am I texting or Instagraming on the sofa while I'm watching a movie with my husband? Why do my boys wait for me to sit down at the table while I am finding the perfect filter. I am horrified to admit to these things but it is the truth.

And then this morning I read this, Your Phone Vs. Your Heart, written by Barbara Fredrickson in the New York Times.

CAN you remember the last time you were in a public space in America and didn’t notice that half the people around you were bent over a digital screen, thumbing a connection to somewhere else? Most of us are well aware of the convenience that instant electronic access provides. Less has been said about the costs. Research that my colleagues and I have just completed, to be published in a forthcoming issue of Psychological Science, suggests that one measurable toll may be on our biological capacity to connect with other people. Our ingrained habits change us. Neurons that fire together, wire together, neuroscientists like to say, reflecting the increasing evidence that experiences leave imprints on our neural pathways, a phenomenon called neuroplasticity. Any habit molds the very structure of your brain in ways that strengthen your proclivity for that habit. Plasticity, the propensity to be shaped by experience, isn’t limited to the brain. You already know that when you lead a sedentary life, your muscles atrophy to diminish your physical strength. What you may not know is that your habits of social connection also leave their own physical imprint on you. How much time do you typically spend with others? And when you do, how connected and attuned to them do you feel? Your answers to these simple questions may well reveal your biological capacity to connect. My research team and I conducted a longitudinal field experiment on the effects of learning skills for cultivating warmer interpersonal connections in daily life. Half the participants, chosen at random, attended a six-week workshop on an ancient mind-training practice known as metta, or “lovingkindness,” that teaches participants to develop more warmth and tenderness toward themselves and others. We discovered that the meditators not only felt more upbeat and socially connected; but they also altered a key part of their cardiovascular system called vagal tone. Scientists used to think vagal tone was largely stable, like your height in adulthood. Our data show that this part of you is plastic, too, and altered by your social habits. To appreciate why this matters, here’s a quick anatomy lesson. Your brain is tied to your heart by your vagus nerve. Subtle variations in your heart rate reveal the strength of this brain-heart connection, and as such, heart-rate variability provides an index of your vagal tone. By and large, the higher your vagal tone the better. It means your body is better able to regulate the internal systems that keep you healthy, like your cardiovascular, glucose and immune responses. Beyond these health effects, the behavioral neuroscientist Stephen Porges has shown that vagal tone is central to things like facial expressivity and the ability to tune in to the frequency of the human voice. By increasing people’s vagal tone, we increase their capacity for connection, friendship and empathy. In short, the more attuned to others you become, the healthier you become, and vice versa. This mutual influence also explains how a lack of positive social contact diminishes people. Your heart’s capacity for friendship also obeys the biological law of “use it or lose it.” If you don’t regularly exercise your ability to connect face to face, you’ll eventually find yourself lacking some of the basic biological capacity to do so. The human body — and thereby our human potential — is far more plastic or amenable to change than most of us realize. The new field of social genomics, made possible by the sequencing of the human genome, tells us that the ways our and our children’s genes are expressed at the cellular level is plastic, too, responsive to habitual experiences and actions. Work in social genomics reveals that our personal histories of social connection or loneliness, for instance, alter how our genes are expressed within the cells of our immune system. New parents may need to worry less about genetic testing and more about how their own actions — like texting while breast-feeding or otherwise paying more attention to their phone than their child — leave life-limiting fingerprints on their and their children’s gene expression. When you share a smile or laugh with someone face to face, a discernible synchrony emerges between you, as your gestures and biochemistries, even your respective neural firings, come to mirror each other. It’s micro-moments like these, in which a wave of good feeling rolls through two brains and bodies at once, that build your capacity to empathize as well as to improve your health. If you don’t regularly exercise this capacity, it withers. Lucky for us, connecting with others does good and feels good, and opportunities to do so abound. So the next time you see a friend, or a child, spending too much of their day facing a screen, extend a hand and invite him back to the world of real social encounters. You’ll not only build up his health and empathic skills, but yours as well. Friends don’t let friends lose their capacity for humanity.

Wowzers, right?

My first comment to Ross when I found out that the couple at the bar had been married for only a few days was "thank goodness we didn't have iPhones on our honeymoon." But wait, do older couples say that about the stage we are in?, "thank goodness we didn't have iPhones when our babies were young"?

13 comments:

  1. I read that article, and actually noticed the same thing recently- I was sitting on the couch w/my husband during the only time we have together on a week day and I was reading blogs on my laptop while he surfed on his phone, TV on at the same time. It was depressing. Now I put my phone up in my bedroom when the kids get home and leave it there the rest of the night so I'm not tempted. It's still hard (sad but true) but at least I'm unplugged. I committed to do a "screen free week" next week, so I am expecting a big time unplugging. We'll see if I can do it!

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    1. I want to hear the update on the "screen free week"... I would love to do that... I should be able too... why is it so hard?!

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  2. Can't stop thinking about this. Went to bed thinking about it and now woke up thinking about it. One of the problems I think with Social Media is it runs on constant connectivity. I'm contemplating shutting down IG, but then I worry I will lose connections with people, but how connected am I really and at what cost? Do I really need to give people (strangers at that) a play by play of my life at the expense of being present with my friends and family?! That is a high price to pay. Like everything else I think moderation is the key. Serious food for thought here. Thank you so much for sharing.

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    1. I am so glad that this effected you as well... isn't it so interesting... I am just love the perspective and I believe {so strongly} to be true. YOU are so right! It is a VERY high price to pay.

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  3. Such a good reminder. I recently read a similar book, The Shallows by Nicholas Carr, about what the internet is doing to our brains. It's a bit frightening, really. With all these tools, we become mindless. I find myself wondering a lot how people do it, keep up so vigorously with multiple social media outlets. Honestly, after awhile I get completely burned out. But like Amber, I worry that if I drop out, I will lose connections to a larger creative network and group of "friends". Your own circle can feel so small compared to what appears to be out there. But then really, isn't quality always better than quantity? Thanks for making me think about this again.

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    1. getting that book... I just read this review in the NYTimes and it is so interesting... http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/06/books/review/Lehrer-t.html?_r=0

      can't wait to add this to my thoughts :)...

      PS. i have been thinking about your painting all day!

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  4. Love, love, love this post. What a beautiful reminder to re-direct our focus on what truly matters :)

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  5. so many thoughts on this. thank you for sharing it with us. loved (and agree) with the comments above also.

    first off~ i am in NO way where i need to be in this regard. but, i will say~ having older kids has helped us not fall {too deep} in the 'hole' of cell phone/screen time obsession. it is extremely important for me that my kids do not think of me as "the woman always staring at her phone/computer"... and also extremely important that my kids remain unplugged for the majority of their childhood. soooo... when they're around me, i try to set a good example and remain offline for the most part~ since they watched everything i do (younger kids do as well, but i feel like when they're younger they're a little more tuned in to themselves... their toys/crayons/legos/etc.). of course i still check my phone way too often, but when they're focused on other things (or when i'm in my hideaway... aka the bathroom ;)). my point is that i agree with the article, and think it is so important to remain in the MODERATION zone... for so many, many, maaaaaany reasons... and to teach our kids to do the very same thing.

    where i am struggling/failing in this regard is making more of an effort to connect with others ('real life connection') on a daily basis. i am trying(!!!) to find opportunities to walk with friends, to go out for dinner, to invite others over... because i literally started to feel awkward and completely "out of practice" when i was "forced" into social interaction. really working on this aspect~ for myself, and for my kids.

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    1. the second part of your comment is the beginnings of another post that I am working on {thinking about in the shower and at stop lights ;)}...
      regarding the first part of your comment I have been thinking so much about having older kids... Henry has friends with iPads!!!! holy what the what, he is 4!!!!! how do you get them away from that without moving them to an island. lots to think about... I think your right, moderation and being aware of this is the first step, right :)

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    2. i knooooow. it really does get far more challenging. in so many ways. (believe me... i have considered that island on several occasions)

      i look forward to the other post!

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  6. Bryan and I are talking about this subject almost obsessively these days. We want our kids (like everyone here) to know real connections with people and with themselves. How to sit by themselves and be bored, be still and quiet. Of course, I don't set the best example being within arm's reach of my phone for most of the day.... But I did quit Facebook a couple years ago and have never looked back. Now, I just need to deal with my IG addiction......

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    1. IG is a problem... I have to say that this week I did one thing in an effort to slow down my phone addiction, I started wearing a watch... I am sure that I am over simplifying my problems with my phone BUT I do notice that what happens is I look at my phone for the time. I unlock it, see a new text, respond, see some comments on IG, remember an email I didn't send, finally turn off my phone and then I still don't know what time it is, so the cycle starts again. It is like I am programing my brain to be on the crazy iPhone loop of looking at it... I think it really is {no joke} a bit of an addiction...

      as for our littles, what the heck do we do!? Does Charlie have friends that are playing video games and/ or iPads? I feel like this is going to be such a struggle soon...

      ox.

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    2. alexis~ have you read this article?? (from newsweek... read it to my son (ALL 5 pages ;)... this past summer)... it speaks to the addiction that we have ALL slowly acquired.

      http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2012/07/08/is-the-internet-making-us-crazy-what-the-new-research-says.html

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